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It might have been seven o'clock in the evening, and it was growing darkin the narrow streets near Golden Square, when Mr Kenwigs sent out fora pair of the cheapest white kid gloves--those at fourteen-pence--andselecting the strongest, which happened to be the right-hand one, walkeddownstairs with an air of pomp and much excitement, and proceeded tomuffle the knob of the street-door knocker therein. Having executed thistask with great nicety, Mr Kenwigs pulled the door to, after him, andjust stepped across the road to try the effect from the opposite sideof the street. Satisfied that nothing could possibly look better in itsway, Mr Kenwigs then stepped back again, and calling through the keyholeto Morleena to open the door, vanished into the house, and was seen nolonger.

Now, considered as an abstract circumstance, there was no more obviouscause or reason why Mr Kenwigs should take the trouble of muffling thisparticular knocker, than there would have been for his muffling theknocker of any nobleman or gentleman resident ten miles off; because,for the greater convenience of the numerous lodgers, the street-dooralways stood wide open, and the knocker was never used at all. The firstfloor, the second floor, and the third floor, had each a bell of itsown. As to the attics, no one ever called on them; if anybody wantedthe parlours, they were close at hand, and all he had to do was to walkstraight into them; while the kitchen had a separate entrance down thearea steps. As a question of mere necessity and usefulness, therefore,this muffling of the knocker was thoroughly incomprehensible.

But knockers may be muffled for other purposes than those of mereutilitarianism, as, in the present instance, was clearly shown. Thereare certain polite forms and ceremonies which must be observed incivilised life, or mankind relapse into their original barbarism. Nogenteel lady was ever yet confined--indeed, no genteel confinementcan possibly take place--without the accompanying symbol of a muffledknocker. Mrs Kenwigs was a lady of some pretensions to gentility; MrsKenwigs was confined. And, therefore, Mr Kenwigs tied up the silentknocker on the premises in a white kid glove.

'I'm not quite certain neither,' said Mr Kenwigs, arranging hisshirt-collar, and walking slowly upstairs, 'whether, as it's a boy, Iwon't have it in the papers.'

Pondering upon the advisability of this step, and the sensation it waslikely to create in the neighbourhood, Mr Kenwigs betook himself to thesitting-room, where various extremely diminutive articles of clothingwere airing on a horse before the fire, and Mr Lumbey, the doctor, wasdandling the baby--that is, the old baby--not the new one.

'It's a fine boy, Mr Kenwigs,' said Mr Lumbey, the doctor.

'You consider him a fine boy, do you, sir?' returned Mr Kenwigs.

'It's the finest boy I ever saw in all my life,' said the doctor. 'Inever saw such a baby.'

It is a pleasant thing to reflect upon, and furnishes a complete answerto those who contend for the gradual degeneration of the human species,that every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last.

'I ne--ver saw such a baby,' said Mr Lumbey, the doctor.

'Morleena was a fine baby,' remarked Mr Kenwigs; as if this were ratheran attack, by implication, upon the family.

'They were all fine babies,' said Mr Lumbey. And Mr Lumbey went onnursing the baby with a thoughtful look. Whether he was consideringunder what head he could best charge the nursing in the bill, was bestknown to himself.

During this short conversation, Miss Morleena, as the eldest ofthe family, and natural representative of her mother during herindisposition, had been hustling and slapping the three younger MissKenwigses, without intermission; which considerate and affectionateconduct brought tears into the eyes of Mr Kenwigs, and caused him todeclare that, in understanding and behaviour, that child was a woman.

'She will be a treasure to the man she marries, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs,half aside; 'I think she'll marry above her station, Mr Lumbey.'

'I shouldn't wonder at all,' replied the doctor.

'You never see her dance, sir, did you?' asked Mr Kenwigs.

The doctor shook his head.

'Ay!' said Mr Kenwigs, as though he pitied him from his heart, 'then youdon't know what she's capable of.'

All this time there had been a great whisking in and out of the otherroom; the door had been opened and shut very softly about twenty timesa minute (for it was necessary to keep Mrs Kenwigs quiet); and the babyhad been exhibited to a score or two of deputations from a select bodyof female friends, who had assembled in the passage, and about thestreet-door, to discuss the event in all its bearings. Indeed, theexcitement extended itself over the whole street, and groups of ladiesmight be seen standing at the doors, (some in the interesting conditionin which Mrs Kenwigs had last appeared in public,) relating theirexperiences of similar occurrences. Some few acquired great credit fromhaving prophesied, the day before yesterday, exactly when it would cometo pass; others, again, related, how that they guessed what it was,directly they saw Mr Kenwigs turn pale and run up the street as hard asever he could go. Some said one thing, and some another; but all talkedtogether, and all agreed upon two points: first, that it was verymeritorious and highly praiseworthy in Mrs Kenwigs to do as she haddone: and secondly, that there never was such a skilful and scientificdoctor as that Dr Lumbey.

In the midst of this general hubbub, Dr Lumbey sat in the first-floorfront, as before related, nursing the deposed baby, and talking to MrKenwigs. He was a stout bluff-looking gentleman, with no shirt-collar tospeak of, and a beard that had been growing since yesterday morning; forDr Lumbey was popular, and the neighbourhood was prolific; and therehad been no less than three other knockers muffled, one after the otherwithin the last forty-eight hours.

'Well, Mr Kenwigs,' said Dr Lumbey, 'this makes six. You'll have a finefamily in time, sir.'

'I think six is almost enough, sir,' returned Mr Kenwigs.

'Pooh! pooh!' said the doctor. 'Nonsense! not half enough.'

With this, the doctor laughed; but he didn't laugh half as much as amarried friend of Mrs Kenwigs's, who had just come in from the sickchamber to report progress, and take a small sip of brandy-and-water:and who seemed to consider it one of the best jokes ever launched uponsociety.

'They're not altogether dependent upon good fortune, neither,' saidMr Kenwigs, taking his second daughter on his knee; 'they haveexpectations.'

'Oh, indeed!' said Mr Lumbey, the doctor.

'And very good ones too, I believe, haven't they?' asked the marriedlady.

'Why, ma'am,' said Mr Kenwigs, 'it's not exactly for me to say what theymay be, or what they may not be. It's not for me to boast of any familywith which I have the honour to be connected; at the same time, MrsKenwigs's is--I should say,' said Mr Kenwigs, abruptly, and raisinghis voice as he spoke, 'that my children might come into a matter of ahundred pound apiece, perhaps. Perhaps more, but certainly that.'

'And a very pretty little fortune,' said the married lady.

'There are some relations of Mrs Kenwigs's,' said Mr Kenwigs, taking apinch of snuff from the doctor's box, and then sneezing very hard, forhe wasn't used to it, 'that might leave their hundred pound apiece toten people, and yet not go begging when they had done it.'

'Ah! I know who you mean,' observed the married lady, nodding her head.

'I made mention of no names, and I wish to make mention of no names,'said Mr Kenwigs, with a portentous look. 'Many of my friends have met arelation of Mrs Kenwigs's in this very room, as would do honour to anycompany; that's all.'

'I've met him,' said the married lady, with a glance towards Dr Lumbey.

'It's naterally very gratifying to my feelings as a father, to see sucha man as that, a kissing and taking notice of my children,' pursued MrKenwigs. 'It's naterally very gratifying to my feelings as a man, toknow that man. It will be naterally very gratifying to my feelings as ahusband, to make that man acquainted with this ewent.'

Having delivered his sentiments in this form of words, Mr Kenwigsarranged his second daughter's flaxen tail, and bade her be a good girland mind what her sister, Morleena, said.

'That girl grows more like her mother every day,' said Mr Lumbey,suddenly stricken with an enthusiastic admiration of Morleena.

'There!' rejoined the married lady. 'What I always say; what I alwaysdid say! She's the very picter of her.' Having thus directed the generalattention to the young lady in question, the married lady embraced theopportunity of taking another sip of the brandy-and-water--and a prettylong sip too.

'Yes! there is a likeness,' said Mr Kenwigs, after some reflection. 'Butsuch a woman as Mrs Kenwigs was, afore she was married! Good gracious,such a woman!'

Mr Lumbey shook his head with great solemnity, as though to imply thathe supposed she must have been rather a dazzler.

'Talk of fairies!' cried Mr Kenwigs 'I never see anybody so light to bealive, never. Such manners too; so playful, and yet so sewerely proper!As for her figure! It isn't generally known,' said Mr Kenwigs, droppinghis voice; 'but her figure was such, at that time, that the sign of theBritannia, over in the Holloway Road, was painted from it!'

'But only see what it is now,' urged the married lady. 'Does SHE looklike the mother of six?'

'Quite ridiculous,' cried the doctor.

'She looks a deal more like her own daughter,' said the married lady.

'So she does,' assented Mr Lumbey. 'A great deal more.'

Mr Kenwigs was about to make some further observations, most probably inconfirmation of this opinion, when another married lady, who had lookedin to keep up Mrs Kenwigs's spirits, and help to clear off anything inthe eating and drinking way that might be going about, put in her headto announce that she had just been down to answer the bell, and thatthere was a gentleman at the door who wanted to see Mr Kenwigs 'mostparticular.'

Shadowy visions of his distinguished relation flitted through the brainof Mr Kenwigs, as this message was delivered; and under their influence,he dispatched Morleena to show the gentleman up straightway.

'Why, I do declare,' said Mr Kenwigs, standing opposite the door so asto get the earliest glimpse of the visitor, as he came upstairs, 'it'sMr Johnson! How do you find yourself, sir?'

Nicholas shook hands, kissed his old pupils all round, intrusted a largeparcel of toys to the guardianship of Morleena, bowed to the doctorand the married ladies, and inquired after Mrs Kenwigs in a tone ofinterest, which went to the very heart and soul of the nurse, who hadcome in to warm some mysterious compound, in a little saucepan over thefire.

'I ought to make a hundred apologies to you for calling at such aseason,' said Nicholas, 'but I was not aware of it until I had rung thebell, and my time is so fully occupied now, that I feared it might besome days before I could possibly come again.'

'No time like the present, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs. 'The sitiwation of MrsKenwigs, sir, is no obstacle to a little conversation between you andme, I hope?'

'You are very good,' said Nicholas.

At this juncture, proclamation was made by another married lady, thatthe baby had begun to eat like anything; whereupon the two marriedladies, already mentioned, rushed tumultuously into the bedroom tobehold him in the act.

'The fact is,' resumed Nicholas, 'that before I left the country, whereI have been for some time past, I undertook to deliver a message toyou.'

'Ay, ay?' said Mr Kenwigs.

'And I have been,' added Nicholas, 'already in town for some days,without having had an opportunity of doing so.'

'It's no matter, sir,' said Mr Kenwigs. 'I dare say it's none theworse for keeping cold. Message from the country!' said Mr Kenwigs,ruminating; 'that's curious. I don't know anybody in the country.'

'Miss Petowker,' suggested Nicholas.

'Oh! from her, is it?' said Mr Kenwigs. 'Oh dear, yes. Ah! Mrs Kenwigswill be glad to hear from her. Henrietta Petowker, eh? How odd thingscome about, now! That you should have met her in the country! Well!'

Hearing this mention of their old friend's name, the four Miss Kenwigsesgathered round Nicholas, open eyed and mouthed, to hear more. Mr Kenwigslooked a little curious too, but quite comfortable and unsuspecting.

'The message relates to family matters,' said Nicholas, hesitating.

'Oh, never mind,' said Kenwigs, glancing at Mr Lumbey, who, havingrashly taken charge of little Lillyvick, found nobody disposed torelieve him of his precious burden. 'All friends here.'

Nicholas hemmed once or twice, and seemed to have some difficulty inproceeding.

'At Portsmouth, Henrietta Petowker is,' observed Mr Kenwigs.

'Yes,' said Nicholas, 'Mr Lillyvick is there.'

Mr Kenwigs turned pale, but he recovered, and said, THAT was an oddcoincidence also.

'The message is from him,' said Nicholas.

Mr Kenwigs appeared to revive. He knew that his niece was in a delicatestate, and had, no doubt, sent word that they were to forward fullparticulars. Yes. That was very kind of him; so like him too!

'He desired me to give his kindest love,' said Nicholas.

'Very much obliged to him, I'm sure. Your great-uncle, Lillyvick, mydears!' interposed Mr Kenwigs, condescendingly explaining it to thechildren.

'His kindest love,' resumed Nicholas; 'and to say that he had no time towrite, but that he was married to Miss Petowker.'

Mr Kenwigs started from his seat with a petrified stare, caught hissecond daughter by her flaxen tail, and covered his face with hispocket-handkerchief. Morleena fell, all stiff and rigid, into the baby'schair, as she had seen her mother fall when she fainted away, and thetwo remaining little Kenwigses shrieked in affright.

'My children, my defrauded, swindled infants!' cried Mr Kenwigs, pullingso hard, in his vehemence, at the flaxen tail of his second daughter,that he lifted her up on tiptoe, and kept her, for some seconds, in thatattitude. 'Villain, ass, traitor!'

'Drat the man!' cried the nurse, looking angrily around. 'What does hemean by making that noise here?'

'Silence, woman!' said Mr Kenwigs, fiercely.

'I won't be silent,' returned the nurse. 'Be silent yourself, youwretch. Have you no regard for your baby?'

'No!' returned Mr Kenwigs.

'More shame for you,' retorted the nurse. 'Ugh! you unnatural monster.'

'Let him die,' cried Mr Kenwigs, in the torrent of his wrath. 'Let himdie! He has no expectations, no property to come into. We want no babieshere,' said Mr Kenwigs recklessly. 'Take 'em away, take 'em away to theFondling!'

With these awful remarks, Mr Kenwigs sat himself down in a chair, anddefied the nurse, who made the best of her way into the adjoining room,and returned with a stream of matrons: declaring that Mr Kenwigs hadspoken blasphemy against his family, and must be raving mad.

Appearances were certainly not in Mr Kenwigs's favour, for the exertionof speaking with so much vehemence, and yet in such a tone as shouldprevent his lamentations reaching the ears of Mrs Kenwigs, had made himvery black in the face; besides which, the excitement of the occasion,and an unwonted indulgence in various strong cordials to celebrate it,had swollen and dilated his features to a most unusual extent. But,Nicholas and the doctor--who had been passive at first, doubting verymuch whether Mr Kenwigs could be in earnest--interfering to explain theimmediate cause of his condition, the indignation of the matrons waschanged to pity, and they implored him, with much feeling, to go quietlyto bed.

'The attention,' said Mr Kenwigs, looking around with a plaintive air,'the attention that I've shown to that man! The hyseters he has eat, andthe pints of ale he has drank, in this house--!'

'It's very trying, and very hard to bear, we know,' said one of themarried ladies; 'but think of your dear darling wife.'

'Oh yes, and what she's been a undergoing of, only this day,' cried agreat many voices. 'There's a good man, do.'

'The presents that have been made to him,' said Mr Kenwigs, revertingto his calamity, 'the pipes, the snuff-boxes--a pair of india-rubbergoloshes, that cost six-and-six--'

'Ah! it won't bear thinking of, indeed,' cried the matrons generally;'but it'll all come home to him, never fear.'

Mr Kenwigs looked darkly upon the ladies, as if he would prefer its allcoming home to HIM, as there was nothing to be got by it; but he saidnothing, and resting his head upon his hand, subsided into a kind ofdoze.

Then, the matrons again expatiated on the expediency of taking the goodgentleman to bed; observing that he would be better tomorrow, and thatthey knew what was the wear and tear of some men's minds when theirwives were taken as Mrs Kenwigs had been that day, and that it did himgreat credit, and there was nothing to be ashamed of in it; far from it;they liked to see it, they did, for it showed a good heart. And one ladyobserved, as a case bearing upon the present, that her husband was oftenquite light-headed from anxiety on similar occasions, and that once,when her little Johnny was born, it was nearly a week before he came tohimself again, during the whole of which time he did nothing but cry 'Isit a boy, is it a boy?' in a manner which went to the hearts of all hishearers.

At length, Morleena (who quite forgot she had fainted, when shefound she was not noticed) announced that a chamber was ready for herafflicted parent; and Mr Kenwigs, having partially smothered his fourdaughters in the closeness of his embrace, accepted the doctor's arm onone side, and the support of Nicholas on the other, and was conductedupstairs to a bedroom which been secured for the occasion.

Having seen him sound asleep, and heard him snore most satisfactorily,and having further presided over the distribution of the toys, to theperfect contentment of all the little Kenwigses, Nicholas took hisleave. The matrons dropped off one by one, with the exception of sixor eight particular friends, who had determined to stop all night; thelights in the houses gradually disappeared; the last bulletin was issuedthat Mrs Kenwigs was as well as could be expected; and the whole familywere left to their repose.