Chapter 24
AT the close of three weeks I was able to quit my chamber and moveabout the house. And on the first occasion of my sitting up in theevening I asked Catherine to read to me, because my eyes were weak.We were in the library, the master having gone to bed: sheconsented, rather unwillingly, I fancied; and imagining my sort ofbooks did not suit her, I bid her please herself in the choice ofwhat she perused. She selected one of her own favourites, and gotforward steadily about an hour; then came frequent questions.
'Ellen, are not you tired? Hadn't you better lie down now? You'llbe sick, keeping up so long, Ellen.'
'No, no, dear, I'm not tired,' I returned, continually.
Perceiving me immovable, she essayed another method of showing herdisrelish for her occupation. It changed to yawning, andstretching, and -
'Ellen, I'm tired.'
'Give over then and talk,' I answered.
That was worse: she fretted and sighed, and looked at her watchtill eight, and finally went to her room, completely overdone withsleep; judging by her peevish, heavy look, and the constant rubbingshe inflicted on her eyes. The following night she seemed moreimpatient still; and on the third from recovering my company shecomplained of a headache, and left me. I thought her conduct odd;and having remained alone a long while, I resolved on going andinquiring whether she were better, and asking her to come and lieon the sofa, instead of up-stairs in the dark. No Catherine couldI discover up-stairs, and none below. The servants affirmed theyhad not seen her. I listened at Mr. Edgar's door; all was silence.I returned to her apartment, extinguished my candle, and seatedmyself in the window.
The moon shone bright; a sprinkling of snow covered the ground, andI reflected that she might, possibly, have taken it into her headto walk about the garden, for refreshment. I did detect a figurecreeping along the inner fence of the park; but it was not my youngmistress: on its emerging into the light, I recognised one of thegrooms. He stood a considerable period, viewing the carriage-roadthrough the grounds; then started off at a brisk pace, as if he haddetected something, and reappeared presently, leading Miss's pony;and there she was, just dismounted, and walking by its side. Theman took his charge stealthily across the grass towards the stable.Cathy entered by the casement-window of the drawing-room, andglided noiselessly up to where I awaited her. She put the doorgently too, slipped off her snowy shoes, untied her hat, and wasproceeding, unconscious of my espionage, to lay aside her mantle,when I suddenly rose and revealed myself. The surprise petrifiedher an instant: she uttered an inarticulate exclamation, and stoodfixed.
'My dear Miss Catherine,' I began, too vividly impressed by herrecent kindness to break into a scold, 'where have you been ridingout at this hour? And why should you try to deceive me by tellinga tale? Where have you been? Speak!'
'To the bottom of the park,' she stammered. 'I didn't tell atale.'
'And nowhere else?' I demanded.
'No,' was the muttered reply.
'Oh, Catherine!' I cried, sorrowfully. 'You know you have beendoing wrong, or you wouldn't be driven to uttering an untruth tome. That does grieve me. I'd rather be three months ill, thanhear you frame a deliberate lie.'
She sprang forward, and bursting into tears, threw her arms roundmy neck.
'Well, Ellen, I'm so afraid of you being angry,' she said.'Promise not to be angry, and you shall know the very truth: Ihate to hide it.'
We sat down in the window-seat; I assured her I would not scold,whatever her secret might be, and I guessed it, of course; so shecommenced -
'I've been to Wuthering Heights, Ellen, and I've never missed goinga day since you fell ill; except thrice before, and twice after youleft your room. I gave Michael books and pictures to prepare Minnyevery evening, and to put her back in the stable: you mustn'tscold him either, mind. I was at the Heights by half-past six, andgenerally stayed till half-past eight, and then galloped home. Itwas not to amuse myself that I went: I was often wretched all thetime. Now and then I was happy: once in a week perhaps. Atfirst, I expected there would be sad work persuading you to let mekeep my word to Linton: for I had engaged to call again next day,when we quitted him; but, as you stayed up-stairs on the morrow, Iescaped that trouble. While Michael was refastening the lock ofthe park door in the afternoon, I got possession of the key, andtold him how my cousin wished me to visit him, because he was sick,and couldn't come to the Grange; and how papa would object to mygoing: and then I negotiated with him about the pony. He is fondof reading, and he thinks of leaving soon to get married; so heoffered, if I would lend him books out of the library, to do what Iwished: but I preferred giving him my own, and that satisfied himbetter.
'On my second visit Linton seemed in lively spirits; and Zillah(that is their housekeeper) made us a clean room and a good fire,and told us that, as Joseph was out at a prayer-meeting and HaretonEarnshaw was off with his dogs - robbing our woods of pheasants, asI heard afterwards - we might do what we liked. She brought mesome warm wine and gingerbread, and appeared exceedingly good-natured, and Linton sat in the arm-chair, and I in the littlerocking chair on the hearth-stone, and we laughed and talked somerrily, and found so much to say: we planned where we would go,and what we would do in summer. I needn't repeat that, because youwould call it silly.
'One time, however, we were near quarrelling. He said thepleasantest manner of spending a hot July day was lying frommorning till evening on a bank of heath in the middle of the moors,with the bees humming dreamily about among the bloom, and the larkssinging high up overhead, and the blue sky and bright sun shiningsteadily and cloudlessly. That was his most perfect idea ofheaven's happiness: mine was rocking in a rustling green tree,with a west wind blowing, and bright white clouds flitting rapidlyabove; and not only larks, but throstles, and blackbirds, andlinnets, and cuckoos pouring out music on every side, and the moorsseen at a distance, broken into cool dusky dells; but close bygreat swells of long grass undulating in waves to the breeze; andwoods and sounding water, and the whole world awake and wild withjoy. He wanted all to lie in an ecstasy of peace; I wanted all tosparkle and dance in a glorious jubilee. I said his heaven wouldbe only half alive; and he said mine would be drunk: I said Ishould fall asleep in his; and he said he could not breathe inmine, and began to grow very snappish. At last, we agreed to tryboth, as soon as the right weather came; and then we kissed eachother and were friends.
'After sitting still an hour, I looked at the great room with itssmooth uncarpeted floor, and thought how nice it would be to playin, if we removed the table; and I asked Linton to call Zillah into help us, and we'd have a game at blindman's-buff; she should tryto catch us: you used to, you know, Ellen. He wouldn't: therewas no pleasure in it, he said; but he consented to play at ballwith me. We found two in a cupboard, among a heap of old toys,tops, and hoops, and battledores and shuttlecocks. One was markedC., and the other H.; I wished to have the C., because that stoodfor Catherine, and the H. might be for Heathcliff, his name; butthe bran came out of H., and Linton didn't like it. I beat himconstantly: and he got cross again, and coughed, and returned tohis chair. That night, though, he easily recovered his goodhumour: he was charmed with two or three pretty songs - YOURsongs, Ellen; and when I was obliged to go, he begged and entreatedme to come the following evening; and I promised. Minny and I wentflying home as light as air; and I dreamt of Wuthering Heights andmy sweet, darling cousin, till morning.
'On the morrow I was sad; partly because you were poorly, andpartly that I wished my father knew, and approved of my excursions:but it was beautiful moonlight after tea; and, as I rode on, thegloom cleared. I shall have another happy evening, I thought tomyself; and what delights me more, my pretty Linton will. Itrotted up their garden, and was turning round to the back, whenthat fellow Earnshaw met me, took my bridle, and bid me go in bythe front entrance. He patted Minny's neck, and said she was abonny beast, and appeared as if he wanted me to speak to him. Ionly told him to leave my horse alone, or else it would kick him.He answered in his vulgar accent, "It wouldn't do mitch hurt if itdid;" and surveyed its legs with a smile. I was half inclined tomake it try; however, he moved off to open the door, and, as heraised the latch, he looked up to the inscription above, and said,with a stupid mixture of awkwardness and elation: "Miss Catherine!I can read yon, now."
'"Wonderful," I exclaimed. "Pray let us hear you - you ARE grownclever!"
'He spelt, and drawled over by syllables, the name - "HaretonEarnshaw."
'"And the figures?" I cried, encouragingly, perceiving that he cameto a dead halt.
'"I cannot tell them yet," he answered.
'"Oh, you dunce!" I said, laughing heartily at his failure.
'The fool stared, with a grin hovering about his lips, and a scowlgathering over his eyes, as if uncertain whether he might not joinin my mirth: whether it were not pleasant familiarity, or what itreally was, contempt. I settled his doubts, by suddenly retrievingmy gravity and desiring him to walk away, for I came to see Linton,not him. He reddened - I saw that by the moonlight - dropped hishand from the latch, and skulked off, a picture of mortifiedvanity. He imagined himself to be as accomplished as Linton, Isuppose, because he could spell his own name; and was marvellouslydiscomfited that I didn't think the same.'
'Stop, Miss Catherine, dear!' - I interrupted. 'I shall not scold,but I don't like your conduct there. If you had remembered thatHareton was your cousin as much as Master Heathcliff, you wouldhave felt how improper it was to behave in that way. At least, itwas praiseworthy ambition for him to desire to be as accomplishedas Linton; and probably he did not learn merely to show off: youhad made him ashamed of his ignorance before, I have no doubt; andhe wished to remedy it and please you. To sneer at his imperfectattempt was very bad breeding. Had you been brought up in hiscircumstances, would you be less rude? He was as quick and asintelligent a child as ever you were; and I'm hurt that he shouldbe despised now, because that base Heathcliff has treated him sounjustly.'
'Well, Ellen, you won't cry about it, will you?' she exclaimed,surprised at my earnestness. 'But wait, and you shall hear if heconned his A B C to please me; and if it were worth while beingcivil to the brute. I entered; Linton was lying on the settle, andhalf got up to welcome me.
'"I'm ill to-night, Catherine, love," he said; "and you must haveall the talk, and let me listen. Come, and sit by me. I was sureyou wouldn't break your word, and I'll make you promise again,before you go."
'I knew now that I mustn't tease him, as he was ill; and I spokesoftly and put no questions, and avoided irritating him in any way.I had brought some of my nicest books for him: he asked me to reada little of one, and I was about to comply, when Earnshaw burst thedoor open: having gathered venom with reflection. He advanceddirect to us, seized Linton by the arm, and swung him off the seat.
'"Get to thy own room!" he said, in a voice almost inarticulatewith passion; and his face looked swelled and furious. "Take herthere if she comes to see thee: thou shalln't keep me out of this.Begone wi' ye both!"
'He swore at us, and left Linton no time to answer, nearly throwinghim into the kitchen; and he clenched his fist as I followed,seemingly longing to knock me down. I was afraid for a moment, andI let one volume fall; he kicked it after me, and shut us out. Iheard a malignant, crackly laugh by the fire, and turning, beheldthat odious Joseph standing rubbing his bony hands, and quivering.
'"I wer sure he'd sarve ye out! He's a grand lad! He's getten t'raight sperrit in him! HE knaws - ay, he knaws, as weel as I do,who sud be t' maister yonder - Ech, ech, ech! He made ye skiftproperly! Ech, ech, ech!"
'"Where must we go?" I asked of my cousin, disregarding the oldwretch's mockery.
'Linton was white and trembling. He was not pretty then, Ellen:oh, no! he looked frightful; for his thin face and large eyes werewrought into an expression of frantic, powerless fury. He graspedthe handle of the door, and shook it: it was fastened inside.
'"If you don't let me in, I'll kill you! - If you don't let me in,I'll kill you!" he rather shrieked than said. "Devil! devil! -I'll kill you - I'll kill you!"
Joseph uttered his croaking laugh again.
'"Thear, that's t' father!" he cried. "That's father! We've allassummut o' either side in us. Niver heed, Hareton, lad - dunnut be'feard - he cannot get at thee!"
'I took hold of Linton's hands, and tried to pull him away; but heshrieked so shockingly that I dared not proceed. At last his crieswere choked by a dreadful fit of coughing; blood gushed from hismouth, and he fell on the ground. I ran into the yard, sick withterror; and called for Zillah, as loud as I could. She soon heardme: she was milking the cows in a shed behind the barn, andhurrying from her work, she inquired what there was to do? Ihadn't breath to explain; dragging her in, I looked about forLinton. Earnshaw had come out to examine the mischief he hadcaused, and he was then conveying the poor thing up-stairs. Zillahand I ascended after him; but he stopped me at the top of thesteps, and said I shouldn't go in: I must go home. I exclaimedthat he had killed Linton, and I WOULD enter. Joseph locked thedoor, and declared I should do "no sich stuff," and asked mewhether I were "bahn to be as mad as him." I stood crying till thehousekeeper reappeared. She affirmed he would be better in a bit,but he couldn't do with that shrieking and din; and she took me,and nearly carried me into the house.
'Ellen, I was ready to tear my hair off my head! I sobbed and weptso that my eyes were almost blind; and the ruffian you have suchsympathy with stood opposite: presuming every now and then to bidme "wisht," and denying that it was his fault; and, finally,frightened by my assertions that I would tell papa, and that heshould be put in prison and hanged, he commenced blubberinghimself, and hurried out to hide his cowardly agitation. Still, Iwas not rid of him: when at length they compelled me to depart,and I had got some hundred yards off the premises, he suddenlyissued from the shadow of the road-side, and checked Minny and tookhold of me.
'"Miss Catherine, I'm ill grieved," he began, "but it's rayther toobad - "
'I gave him a cut with my whip, thinking perhaps he would murderme. He let go, thundering one of his horrid curses, and I gallopedhome more than half out of my senses.
'I didn't bid you good-night that evening, and I didn't go toWuthering Heights the next: I wished to go exceedingly; but I wasstrangely excited, and dreaded to hear that Linton was dead,sometimes; and sometimes shuddered at the thought of encounteringHareton. On the third day I took courage: at least, I couldn'tbear longer suspense, and stole off once more. I went at fiveo'clock, and walked; fancying I might manage to creep into thehouse, and up to Linton's room, unobserved. However, the dogs gavenotice of my approach. Zillah received me, and saying "the lad wasmending nicely," showed me into a small, tidy, carpeted apartment,where, to my inexpressible joy, I beheld Linton laid on a littlesofa, reading one of my books. But he would neither speak to menor look at me, through a whole hour, Ellen: he has such anunhappy temper. And what quite confounded me, when he did open hismouth, it was to utter the falsehood that I had occasioned theuproar, and Hareton was not to blame! Unable to reply, exceptpassionately, I got up and walked from the room. He sent after mea faint "Catherine!" He did not reckon on being answered so: butI wouldn't turn back; and the morrow was the second day on which Istayed at home, nearly determined to visit him no more. But it wasso miserable going to bed and getting up, and never hearinganything about him, that my resolution melted into air before itwas properly formed. It had appeared wrong to take the journeyonce; now it seemed wrong to refrain. Michael came to ask if hemust saddle Minny; I said "Yes," and considered myself doing a dutyas she bore me over the hills. I was forced to pass the frontwindows to get to the court: it was no use trying to conceal mypresence.
'"Young master is in the house," said Zillah, as she saw me makingfor the parlour. I went in; Earnshaw was there also, but hequitted the room directly. Linton sat in the great arm-chair halfasleep; walking up to the fire, I began in a serious tone, partlymeaning it to be true -
'"As you don't like me, Linton, and as you think I come on purposeto hurt you, and pretend that I do so every time, this is our lastmeeting: let us say good-bye; and tell Mr. Heathcliff that youhave no wish to see me, and that he mustn't invent any morefalsehoods on the subject."
'"Sit down and take your hat off, Catherine," he answered. "Youare so much happier than I am, you ought to be better. Papa talksenough of my defects, and shows enough scorn of me, to make itnatural I should doubt myself. I doubt whether I am not altogetheras worthless as he calls me, frequently; and then I feel so crossand bitter, I hate everybody! I am worthless, and bad in temper,and bad in spirit, almost always; and, if you choose, you may saygood-bye: you'll get rid of an annoyance. Only, Catherine, do methis justice: believe that if I might be as sweet, and as kind,and as good as you are, I would be; as willingly, and more so, thanas happy and as healthy. And believe that your kindness has mademe love you deeper than if I deserved your love: and though Icouldn't, and cannot help showing my nature to you, I regret it andrepent it; and shall regret and repent it till I die!"
'I felt he spoke the truth; and I felt I must forgive him: and,though we should quarrel the next moment, I must forgive him again.We were reconciled; but we cried, both of us, the whole time Istayed: not entirely for sorrow; yet I WAS sorry Linton had thatdistorted nature. He'll never let his friends be at ease, andhe'll never be at ease himself! I have always gone to his littleparlour, since that night; because his father returned the dayafter.
'About three times, I think, we have been merry and hopeful, as wewere the first evening; the rest of my visits were dreary andtroubled: now with his selfishness and spite, and now with hissufferings: but I've learned to endure the former with nearly aslittle resentment as the latter. Mr. Heathcliff purposely avoidsme: I have hardly seen him at all. Last Sunday, indeed, comingearlier than usual, I heard him abusing poor Linton cruelly for hisconduct of the night before. I can't tell how he knew of it,unless he listened. Linton had certainly behaved provokingly:however, it was the business of nobody but me, and I interruptedMr. Heathcliff's lecture by entering and telling him so. He burstinto a laugh, and went away, saying he was glad I took that view ofthe matter. Since then, I've told Linton he must whisper hisbitter things. Now, Ellen, you have heard all. I can't beprevented from going to Wuthering Heights, except by inflictingmisery on two people; whereas, if you'll only not tell papa, mygoing need disturb the tranquillity of none. You'll not tell, willyou? It will be very heartless, if you do.'
'I'll make up my mind on that point by to-morrow, Miss Catherine,'I replied. 'It requires some study; and so I'll leave you to yourrest, and go think it over.'
I thought it over aloud, in my master's presence; walking straightfrom her room to his, and relating the whole story: with theexception of her conversations with her cousin, and any mention ofHareton. Mr. Linton was alarmed and distressed, more than he wouldacknowledge to me. In the morning, Catherine learnt my betrayal ofher confidence, and she learnt also that her secret visits were toend. In vain she wept and writhed against the interdict, andimplored her father to have pity on Linton: all she got to comforther was a promise that he would write and give him leave to come tothe Grange when he pleased; but explaining that he must no longerexpect to see Catherine at Wuthering Heights. Perhaps, had he beenaware of his nephew's disposition and state of health, he wouldhave seen fit to withhold even that slight consolation.