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A VERY stout, puffy man, in buckskins and Hessian boots, with severalimmense neckcloths that rose almost to his nose, with a red stripedwaistcoat and an apple green coat with steel buttons almost as large ascrown pieces (it was the morning costume of a dandy or blood of thosedays) was reading the paper by the fire when the two girls entered, andbounced off his arm-chair, and blushed excessively, and hid his entireface almost in his neckcloths at this apparition.

"It's only your sister, Joseph," said Amelia, laughing and shaking thetwo fingers which he held out. "I've come home FOR GOOD, you know; andthis is my friend, Miss Sharp, whom you have heard me mention."

"No, never, upon my word," said the head under the neckcloth, shakingvery much--"that is, yes--what abominably cold weather, Miss"--andherewith he fell to poking the fire with all his might, although it wasin the middle of June.

"He's very handsome," whispered Rebecca to Amelia, rather loud.

"Do you think so?" said the latter. "I'll tell him."

"Darling! not for worlds," said Miss Sharp, starting back as timid as afawn. She had previously made a respectful virgin-like curtsey to thegentleman, and her modest eyes gazed so perseveringly on the carpetthat it was a wonder how she should have found an opportunity to seehim.

"Thank you for the beautiful shawls, brother," said Amelia to the firepoker. "Are they not beautiful, Rebecca?"

"O heavenly!" said Miss Sharp, and her eyes went from the carpetstraight to the chandelier.

Joseph still continued a huge clattering at the poker and tongs,puffing and blowing the while, and turning as red as his yellow facewould allow him. "I can't make you such handsome presents, Joseph,"continued his sister, "but while I was at school, I have embroideredfor you a very beautiful pair of braces."

"Good Gad! Amelia," cried the brother, in serious alarm, "what do youmean?" and plunging with all his might at the bell-rope, that articleof furniture came away in his hand, and increased the honest fellow'sconfusion. "For heaven's sake see if my buggy's at the door. I CAN'Twait. I must go. D---- that groom of mine. I must go."

At this minute the father of the family walked in, rattling his sealslike a true British merchant. "What's the matter, Emmy?" says he.

"Joseph wants me to see if his--his buggy is at the door. What is abuggy, Papa?"

"It is a one-horse palanquin," said the old gentleman, who was a wag inhis way.

Joseph at this burst out into a wild fit of laughter; in which,encountering the eye of Miss Sharp, he stopped all of a sudden, as ifhe had been shot.

"This young lady is your friend? Miss Sharp, I am very happy to seeyou. Have you and Emmy been quarrelling already with Joseph, that hewants to be off?"

"I promised Bonamy of our service, sir," said Joseph, "to dine withhim."

"O fie! didn't you tell your mother you would dine here?"

"But in this dress it's impossible."

"Look at him, isn't he handsome enough to dine anywhere, Miss Sharp?"

On which, of course, Miss Sharp looked at her friend, and they both setoff in a fit of laughter, highly agreeable to the old gentleman.

"Did you ever see a pair of buckskins like those at Miss Pinkerton's?"continued he, following up his advantage.

"Gracious heavens! Father," cried Joseph.

"There now, I have hurt his feelings. Mrs. Sedley, my dear, I havehurt your son's feelings. I have alluded to his buckskins. Ask MissSharp if I haven't? Come, Joseph, be friends with Miss Sharp, and letus all go to dinner."

"There's a pillau, Joseph, just as you like it, and Papa has broughthome the best turbot in Billingsgate."

"Come, come, sir, walk downstairs with Miss Sharp, and I will followwith these two young women," said the father, and he took an arm ofwife and daughter and walked merrily off.

If Miss Rebecca Sharp had determined in her heart upon making theconquest of this big beau, I don't think, ladies, we have any right toblame her; for though the task of husband-hunting is generally, andwith becoming modesty, entrusted by young persons to their mammas,recollect that Miss Sharp had no kind parent to arrange these delicatematters for her, and that if she did not get a husband for herself,there was no one else in the wide world who would take the trouble offher hands. What causes young people to "come out," but the nobleambition of matrimony? What sends them trooping to watering-places?What keeps them dancing till five o'clock in the morning through awhole mortal season? What causes them to labour at pianoforte sonatas,and to learn four songs from a fashionable master at a guinea a lesson,and to play the harp if they have handsome arms and neat elbows, and towear Lincoln Green toxophilite hats and feathers, but that they maybring down some "desirable" young man with those killing bows andarrows of theirs? What causes respectable parents to take up theircarpets, set their houses topsy-turvy, and spend a fifth of theiryear's income in ball suppers and iced champagne? Is it sheer love oftheir species, and an unadulterated wish to see young people happy anddancing? Psha! they want to marry their daughters; and, as honest Mrs.Sedley has, in the depths of her kind heart, already arranged a scoreof little schemes for the settlement of her Amelia, so also had ourbeloved but unprotected Rebecca determined to do her very best tosecure the husband, who was even more necessary for her than for herfriend. She had a vivid imagination; she had, besides, read the ArabianNights and Guthrie's Geography; and it is a fact that while she wasdressing for dinner, and after she had asked Amelia whether her brotherwas very rich, she had built for herself a most magnificent castle inthe air, of which she was mistress, with a husband somewhere in thebackground (she had not seen him as yet, and his figure would nottherefore be very distinct); she had arrayed herself in an infinity ofshawls, turbans, and diamond necklaces, and had mounted upon anelephant to the sound of the march in Bluebeard, in order to pay avisit of ceremony to the Grand Mogul. Charming Alnaschar visions! it isthe happy privilege of youth to construct you, and many a fancifulyoung creature besides Rebecca Sharp has indulged in these delightfulday-dreams ere now!

Joseph Sedley was twelve years older than his sister Amelia. He was inthe East India Company's Civil Service, and his name appeared, at theperiod of which we write, in the Bengal division of the East IndiaRegister, as collector of Boggley Wollah, an honourable and lucrativepost, as everybody knows: in order to know to what higher posts Josephrose in the service, the reader is referred to the same periodical.

Boggley Wollah is situated in a fine, lonely, marshy, jungly district,famous for snipe-shooting, and where not unfrequently you may flush atiger. Ramgunge, where there is a magistrate, is only forty miles off,and there is a cavalry station about thirty miles farther; so Josephwrote home to his parents, when he took possession of hiscollectorship. He had lived for about eight years of his life, quitealone, at this charming place, scarcely seeing a Christian face excepttwice a year, when the detachment arrived to carry off the revenueswhich he had collected, to Calcutta.

Luckily, at this time he caught a liver complaint, for the cure ofwhich he returned to Europe, and which was the source of great comfortand amusement to him in his native country. He did not live with hisfamily while in London, but had lodgings of his own, like a gay youngbachelor. Before he went to India he was too young to partake of thedelightful pleasures of a man about town, and plunged into them on hisreturn with considerable assiduity. He drove his horses in the Park;he dined at the fashionable taverns (for the Oriental Club was not asyet invented); he frequented the theatres, as the mode was in thosedays, or made his appearance at the opera, laboriously attired intights and a cocked hat.

On returning to India, and ever after, he used to talk of the pleasureof this period of his existence with great enthusiasm, and give you tounderstand that he and Brummel were the leading bucks of the day. Buthe was as lonely here as in his jungle at Boggley Wollah. He scarcelyknew a single soul in the metropolis: and were it not for his doctor,and the society of his blue-pill, and his liver complaint, he must havedied of loneliness. He was lazy, peevish, and a bon-vivant; theappearance of a lady frightened him beyond measure; hence it was butseldom that he joined the paternal circle in Russell Square, wherethere was plenty of gaiety, and where the jokes of his good-natured oldfather frightened his amour-propre. His bulk caused Joseph muchanxious thought and alarm; now and then he would make a desperateattempt to get rid of his superabundant fat; but his indolence and loveof good living speedily got the better of these endeavours at reform,and he found himself again at his three meals a day. He never was welldressed; but he took the hugest pains to adorn his big person, andpassed many hours daily in that occupation. His valet made a fortuneout of his wardrobe: his toilet-table was covered with as many pomatumsand essences as ever were employed by an old beauty: he had tried, inorder to give himself a waist, every girth, stay, and waistband theninvented. Like most fat men, he would have his clothes made too tight,and took care they should be of the most brilliant colours and youthfulcut. When dressed at length, in the afternoon, he would issue forth totake a drive with nobody in the Park; and then would come back in orderto dress again and go and dine with nobody at the Piazza Coffee-House.He was as vain as a girl; and perhaps his extreme shyness was one ofthe results of his extreme vanity. If Miss Rebecca can get the betterof him, and at her first entrance into life, she is a young person ofno ordinary cleverness.

The first move showed considerable skill. When she called Sedley avery handsome man, she knew that Amelia would tell her mother, whowould probably tell Joseph, or who, at any rate, would be pleased bythe compliment paid to her son. All mothers are. If you had toldSycorax that her son Caliban was as handsome as Apollo, she would havebeen pleased, witch as she was. Perhaps, too, Joseph Sedley wouldoverhear the compliment--Rebecca spoke loud enough--and he did hear,and (thinking in his heart that he was a very fine man) the praisethrilled through every fibre of his big body, and made it tingle withpleasure. Then, however, came a recoil. "Is the girl making fun ofme?" he thought, and straightway he bounced towards the bell, and wasfor retreating, as we have seen, when his father's jokes and hismother's entreaties caused him to pause and stay where he was. Heconducted the young lady down to dinner in a dubious and agitated frameof mind. "Does she really think I am handsome?" thought he, "or is sheonly making game of me?" We have talked of Joseph Sedley being as vainas a girl. Heaven help us! the girls have only to turn the tables, andsay of one of their own sex, "She is as vain as a man," and they willhave perfect reason. The bearded creatures are quite as eager forpraise, quite as finikin over their toilettes, quite as proud of theirpersonal advantages, quite as conscious of their powers of fascination,as any coquette in the world.

Downstairs, then, they went, Joseph very red and blushing, Rebecca verymodest, and holding her green eyes downwards. She was dressed inwhite, with bare shoulders as white as snow--the picture of youth,unprotected innocence, and humble virgin simplicity. "I must be veryquiet," thought Rebecca, "and very much interested about India."

Now we have heard how Mrs. Sedley had prepared a fine curry for herson, just as he liked it, and in the course of dinner a portion of thisdish was offered to Rebecca. "What is it?" said she, turning anappealing look to Mr. Joseph.

"Capital," said he. His mouth was full of it: his face quite red withthe delightful exercise of gobbling. "Mother, it's as good as my owncurries in India."

"Oh, I must try some, if it is an Indian dish," said Miss Rebecca. "Iam sure everything must be good that comes from there."

"Give Miss Sharp some curry, my dear," said Mr. Sedley, laughing.

Rebecca had never tasted the dish before.

"Do you find it as good as everything else from India?" said Mr. Sedley.

"Oh, excellent!" said Rebecca, who was suffering tortures with thecayenne pepper.

"Try a chili with it, Miss Sharp," said Joseph, really interested.

"A chili," said Rebecca, gasping. "Oh yes!" She thought a chili wassomething cool, as its name imported, and was served with some. "Howfresh and green they look," she said, and put one into her mouth. Itwas hotter than the curry; flesh and blood could bear it no longer.She laid down her fork. "Water, for Heaven's sake, water!" she cried.Mr. Sedley burst out laughing (he was a coarse man, from the StockExchange, where they love all sorts of practical jokes). "They arereal Indian, I assure you," said he. "Sambo, give Miss Sharp somewater."

The paternal laugh was echoed by Joseph, who thought the joke capital.The ladies only smiled a little. They thought poor Rebecca sufferedtoo much. She would have liked to choke old Sedley, but she swallowedher mortification as well as she had the abominable curry before it,and as soon as she could speak, said, with a comical, good-humouredair, "I ought to have remembered the pepper which the Princess ofPersia puts in the cream-tarts in the Arabian Nights. Do you putcayenne into your cream-tarts in India, sir?"

Old Sedley began to laugh, and thought Rebecca was a good-humouredgirl. Joseph simply said, "Cream-tarts, Miss? Our cream is very bad inBengal. We generally use goats' milk; and, 'gad, do you know, I've gotto prefer it!"

"You won't like EVERYTHING from India now, Miss Sharp," said the oldgentleman; but when the ladies had retired after dinner, the wily oldfellow said to his son, "Have a care, Joe; that girl is setting her capat you."

"Pooh! nonsense!" said Joe, highly flattered. "I recollect, sir, therewas a girl at Dumdum, a daughter of Cutler of the Artillery, andafterwards married to Lance, the surgeon, who made a dead set at me inthe year '4--at me and Mulligatawney, whom I mentioned to you beforedinner--a devilish good fellow Mulligatawney--he's a magistrate atBudgebudge, and sure to be in council in five years. Well, sir, theArtillery gave a ball, and Quintin, of the King's 14th, said to me,'Sedley,' said he, 'I bet you thirteen to ten that Sophy Cutler hookseither you or Mulligatawney before the rains.' 'Done,' says I; andegad, sir--this claret's very good. Adamson's or Carbonell's?"

A slight snore was the only reply: the honest stockbroker was asleep,and so the rest of Joseph's story was lost for that day. But he wasalways exceedingly communicative in a man's party, and has told thisdelightful tale many scores of times to his apothecary, Dr. Gollop,when he came to inquire about the liver and the blue-pill.

Being an invalid, Joseph Sedley contented himself with a bottle ofclaret besides his Madeira at dinner, and he managed a couple of platesfull of strawberries and cream, and twenty-four little rout cakes thatwere lying neglected in a plate near him, and certainly (for novelistshave the privilege of knowing everything) he thought a great deal aboutthe girl upstairs. "A nice, gay, merry young creature," thought he tohimself. "How she looked at me when I picked up her handkerchief atdinner! She dropped it twice. Who's that singing in the drawing-room?'Gad! shall I go up and see?"

But his modesty came rushing upon him with uncontrollable force. Hisfather was asleep: his hat was in the hall: there was a hackney-coachstanding hard by in Southampton Row. "I'll go and see the FortyThieves," said he, "and Miss Decamp's dance"; and he slipped awaygently on the pointed toes of his boots, and disappeared, withoutwaking his worthy parent.

"There goes Joseph," said Amelia, who was looking from the open windowsof the drawing-room, while Rebecca was singing at the piano.

"Miss Sharp has frightened him away," said Mrs. Sedley. "Poor Joe, whyWILL he be so shy?"