Chapter 15 - Midsummer
"NOW it is all over. I shall never have another chance like that,and must make up my mind to be a lonely and laborious spinster allmy life. Youth is going fast, and I have little in myself to attractor win, though David did call me 'good and lovely.' Ah, well, I'lltry to deserve his praise, and not let disappointment sour or saddenme. Better to hope and wait all my life than marry without love."
Christie often said this to herself during the hard days thatfollowed Mr. Fletcher's disappearance; a disappearance, by the way,which caused Mr. Power much satisfaction, though he only betrayed itby added kindness to Christie, and in his manner an increasedrespect very comforting to her.
But she missed her lover, for nothing now broke up the monotony of auseful life. She had enjoyed that little episode; for it had lentromance to every thing while it lasted, even the charity basket withwhich she went her rounds; for Mr. Fletcher often met her byaccident apparently, and carried it as if to prove the sincerity ofhis devotion. No bouquets came now; no graceful little notes withbooks or invitations to some coveted pleasure; no dangerouslydelightful evenings in the recess, where, for a time, she felt andused the power which to a woman is so full of subtle satisfaction;no bitter-sweet hopes; no exciting dreams of what might be with theutterance of a word; no soft uncertainty to give a charm to everyhour that passed. Nothing but daily duties, a little leisure thathung heavy on her hands with no hope to stimulate, no lover tolighten it, and a sore, sad heart that would clamor for its right;and even when pride silenced it ached on with the dull pain whichonly time and patience have the power to heal.
But as those weeks went slowly by, she began to discover some of themiracles true love can work. She thought she had laid it in itsgrave; but an angel rolled the stone away, and the lost passion rosestronger, purer, and more beautiful than when she buried it withbitter tears. A spirit now, fed by no hope, warmed by no tenderness,clothed in no fond delusion; the vital soul of love which outlivesthe fairest, noblest form humanity can give it, and sits among theruins singing the immortal hymn of consolation the Great Musiciantaught.
Christie felt this strange comfort resting like a baby in her lonelybosom, cherished and blessed it; wondering while she rejoiced, andsoon perceiving with the swift instinct of a woman, that this was alesson, hard to learn, but infinitely precious, helpful, andsustaining when once gained. She was not happy, only patient; nothopeful, but trusting; and when life looked dark and barren without,she went away into that inner world of deep feeling, high thought,and earnest aspiration; which is a never-failing refuge to thosewhose experience has built within them
"The nunnery of a chaste heart and quiet mind."
Some women live fast; and Christie fought her battle, won hervictory, and found peace declared during that winter: for herloyalty to love brought its own reward in time, giving her thetranquil steadfastness which comes to those who submit and asknothing but fortitude.
She had seen little of David, except at church, and began to regardhim almost as one might a statue on a tomb, the marble effigy of thebeloved dead below; for the sweet old friendship was only a paleshadow now. He always found her out, gave her the posy she bestliked, said cheerfully, "How goes it, Christie?" and she alwaysanswered, "Good-morning, David. I am well and busy, thank you." Thenthey sat together listening to Mr. Power, sung from the same book,walked a little way together, and parted for another week with ahand-shake for good-by.
Christie often wondered what prayers David prayed when he sat sostill with his face hidden by his hand, and looked up with such aclear and steady look when he had done. She tried to do the same;but her thoughts would wander to the motionless gray figure besideher, and she felt as if peace and strength unconsciously flowed fromit to sustain and comfort her. Some of her happiest moments werethose she spent sitting there, pale and silent, with absent eyes,and lips that trembled now and then, hidden by the flowers heldbefore them, kissed covertly, and kept like relics long after theywere dead.
One bitter drop always marred the pleasure of that hour; for whenshe had asked for Mrs. Sterling, and sent her love, she forcedherself to say kindly:
"And Kitty, is she doing well?"
"Capitally; come and see how she has improved; we are quite proud ofher."
"I will if I can find time. It's a hard winter and we have so muchto do," she would answer smiling, and then go home to struggle backinto the patient mood she tried to make habitual.
But she seldom made time to go and see Kitty's improvement; and,when she did run out for an hour she failed to discover any thing,except that the girl was prettier and more coquettish than ever, andassumed airs of superiority that tried Christie very much.
"I am ready for any thing," she always said with a resolute airafter one of these visits; but, when the time seemed to have comeshe was not so ready as she fancied.
Passing out of a store one day, she saw Kitty all in her best,buying white gloves with a most important air. "That lookssuspicious," she thought, and could not resist speaking.
"All well at home?" she asked.
"Grandma and I have been alone for nearly a week; David went off onbusiness; but he's back now and - oh, my goodness! I forgot: I'm notto tell a soul yet;" and Kitty pursed up her lips, looking quiteoppressed with some great secret.
"Bless me, how mysterious! Well, I won't ask any dangerousquestions, only tell me if the dear old lady is well," saidChristie, desperately curious, but too proud to show it.
"She's well, but dreadfully upset by what's happened; well she maybe." And Kitty shook her head with a look of mingled mystery andmalicious merriment.
"Mr. Sterling is all right I hope?" Christie never called him Davidto Kitty; so that impertinent little person took especial pains tospeak familiarly, sometimes even fondly of him to Christie.
"Dear fellow! he's so happy he don't know what to do with himself. Ijust wish you could see him go round smiling, and singing, andlooking as if he'd like to dance."
"That looks as if he was going to get a chance to do it," saidChristie, with a glance at the gloves, as Kitty turned from thecounter.
"So he is!" laughed Kitty, patting the little parcel with a joyfulface.
"I do believe you are going to be married:" exclaimed Christie, halfdistracted with curiosity.
"I am, but not to Miles. Now don't you say another word, for I'mdying to tell, and I promised I wouldn't. David wants to do ithimself. By-by." And Kitty hurried away, leaving Christie as pale asif she had seen a ghost at noonday.
She had; for the thought of David's marrying Kitty had haunted herall those months, and now she was quite sure the blow had come.
"If she was only a nobler woman I could bear it better; but I amsure he will regret it when the first illusion is past. I fancy shereminds him of his lost Letty, and so he thinks he loves her. I prayhe may be happy, and I hope it will be over soon," thought Christie,with a groan, as she trudged away to carry comfort to those whosewoes could be relieved by tea and sugar, flannel petticoats, andorders for a ton of coal.
It was over soon, but not as Christie had expected.
That evening Mr. Power was called away, and she sat alone, bravelytrying to forget suspense and grief in copying the record of herlast month's labor. But she made sad work of it; for her mind wasfull of David and his wife, so happy in the little home which hadgrown doubly dear to her since she left it. No wonder then that sheput down "two dozen children" to Mrs. Flanagan, and "four knithoods" with the measles; or that a great blot fell upon "twentyyards red flannel," as the pen dropped from the hands she claspedtogether; saying with all the fervor of true self-abnegation: "Ihope he will be happy; oh, I hope he will be happy!"
If ever woman deserved reward for patient endeavor, hard-wonsubmission, and unselfish love, Christie did then. And she receivedit in full measure; for the dear Lord requites some faithful hearts,blesses some lives that seem set apart for silent pain and solitarylabor.
Snow was falling fast, and a bitter wind moaned without; the housewas very still, and nothing stirred in the room but the flamesdancing on the hearth, and the thin hand moving to and fro among therecords of a useful life.
Suddenly the bell rang loudly and repeatedly, as if the new-comerwas impatient of delay. Christie paused to listen. It was not Mr.Power's ring, not his voice in the hall below, not his step thatcame leaping up the stairs, nor his hand that threw wide the door.She knew them all, and her heart stood still an instant; then shegathered up her strength, said low to herself, "Now it is coming,"and was ready for the truth, with a colorless face; eyes unnaturallybright and fixed; and one hand on her breast, as if to hold in checkthe rebellious heart that would throb so fast.
It was David who came in with such impetuosity. Snow-flakes shone inhis hair; the glow of the keen wind was on his cheek, a smile on hislips, and in his eyes an expression she had never seen before.Happiness, touched with the shadow of some past pain; doubt anddesire; gratitude and love, - all seemed to meet and mingle in it;while, about the whole man, was the free and ardent air of onerelieved from some heavy burden, released from some long captivity.
"O David, what is it?" cried Christie, as he stood looking at herwith this strange look.
"News, Christie! such happy news I can't find words to tell them,"he answered, coming nearer, but too absorbed in his own emotion toheed hers.
She drew a long breath and pressed her hand a little heavier on herbreast, as she said, with the ghost of a smile, more pathetic thanthe saddest tears:
"I guess it, David."
"How?" he demanded, as if defrauded of a joy he had set his heartupon.
"I met Kitty, - she told me nothing, - but her face betrayed what Ihave long suspected."
David laughed, such a glad yet scornful laugh, and, snatching alittle miniature from his pocket, offered it, saying, with the newimpetuosity that changed him so:
"That is the daughter I have found for my mother. You know her, - youlove her; and you will not be ashamed to welcome her, I think."
Christie took it; saw a faded, time-worn likeness of a young girl'shappy face; a face strangely familiar, yet, for a moment, she gropedto find the name belonging to it. Then memory helped her; and shesaid, half incredulously, half joyfully:
"Is it my Rachel?"
"It is my Letty!" cried David, with an accent of such mingled loveand sorrow, remorse and joy, that Christie seemed to hear in it thedeath-knell of her faith in him. The picture fell from the hands sheput up, as if to ward off some heavy blow, and her voice was sharpwith reproachful anguish, as she cried:
"O David, David, any thing but that!"
An instant he seemed bewildered, then the meaning of the grief inher face flashed on him, and his own grew white with indignantrepudiation of the thought that daunted her; but he only said withthe stern brevity of truth:
"Letty is my sister."
"Forgive me, - how could I know? Oh, thank God! thank God!" and,dropping down upon a chair, Christie broke into a passion of thehappiest tears she ever shed.
David stood beside her silent, till tie first irrepressible paroxysmwas over; then, while she sat weeping softly, quite bowed down byemotion, he said, sadly now, not sternly:
"You could not know, because we hid the truth so carefully. I haveno right to resent that belief of yours, for I did wrong my poorLetty, almost as much as that lover of hers, who, being dead, I donot curse. Let me tell you every thing, Christie, before I ask yourrespect and confidence again. I never deserved them, but I tried to;for they were very precious to me."
He paused a moment, then went on rapidly, as if anxious toaccomplish a hard task; and Christie forgot to weep while listeningbreathlessly.
"Letty was the pride of my heart; and I loved her very dearly, forshe was all I had. Such a pretty child; such a gay, sweet girl; howcould I help it, when she was so fond of me? We were poorthen, - poorer than now, - and she grew restless; tired of hard work;longed for a little pleasure, and could not bear to waste her youthand beauty in that dull town. I did not blame my little girl; but Icould not help her, for I was tugging away to fill father's place,he being broken down and helpless. She wanted to go away and supportherself. You know the feeling; and I need not tell you how theproud, high-hearted creature hated dependence, even on a brother whowould have worked his soul out for her. She would go, and we hadfaith in her. For a time she did bravely; but life was too hard forher; pleasure too alluring, and, when temptation came in the guiseof love, she could not resist. One dreadful day, news came that shewas gone, never to come back, my innocent little Letty, any more."
His voice failed there, and he walked fast through the room, as ifthe memory of that bitter day was still unbearable. Christie couldnot speak for very pity; and he soon continued, pacing restlesslybefore her, as he had often done when she sat by, wondering whatunquiet spirit drove him to and fro:
"That was the beginning of my trouble; but not the worst of it: Godforgive me, not the worst! Father was very feeble, and the shockkilled him; mother's heart was nearly broken, and all the happinesswas taken out of life for me. But I could bear it, heavy as the blowwas, for I had no part in that sin and sorrow. A year later, therecame a letter from Letty, - a penitent, imploring, little letter,asking to be forgiven and taken home, for her lover was dead, andshe alone in a foreign land. How would you answer such a letter,Christie?"
"As you did; saying: 'Corne home and let us comfort you.'"
"I said: 'You have killed your father; broken your mother's heart;ruined your brother's hopes, and disgraced your family. You nolonger have a home with us; and we never want to see your faceagain.'"
"O David, that was cruel!"
"I said you did not know me; now you see how deceived you have been.A stern, resentful devil possessed me then, and I obeyed it. I wasvery proud; full of ambitious plans and jealous love for the few Itook into my heart. Letty had brought a stain upon our honest namethat time could never wash away; had quenched my hopes in despairand shame; had made home desolate, and destroyed my faith in everything; for whom could I trust, when she, the nearest and dearestcreature in the world, deceived and deserted me. I could notforgive; wrath burned hot within me, and the desire for retributionwould not be appeased till those cruel words were said. Theretribution and remorse came swift and sure; but they came mostheavily to me."
Still standing where he had paused abruptly as he asked hisquestion, David wrung his strong hands together with a gesture ofpassionate regret, while his face grew sharp with the rememberedsuffering of the years he had given to the atonement of that wrong.
Christie put her own hand on those clenched ones, and whisperedsoftly:
"Don't tell me any more now: I can wait."
"I must, and you must listen! I've longed to tell you, but I wasafraid; now, you shall know every thing, and then decide if you canforgive me for Letty's sake," he said, so resolutely that shelistened with a face full of mute compassion.
"That little letter came to me; I never told my mother, but answeredit, and kept silent till news arrived that the ship in which Lettyhad taken passage was lost. Remorse had been tugging at my heart;and, when I knew that she was dead, I forgave her with a vainforgiveness, and mourned for my darling, as if she had never leftme. I told my mother then, and she did not utter one reproach; butage seemed to fall upon her all at once, and the pathetic quietudeyou see.
"Then, but for her, I should have been desperate; for day and nightLetty's face haunted me; Letty's voice cried: 'Take me home!' andevery word of that imploring letter burned before my eyes as ifwritten in fire. Do you wonder now that I hid myself; that I had noheart to try for any honorable place in the world, and onlystruggled to forget, only hoped to expiate my sin?"
With his head bowed down upon his breast, David stood silent, askinghimself if he had even now done enough to win the reward he coveted.Christie's voice seemed to answer him; for she said, with heartfeltgratitude and respect:
"Surely you have atoned for that harshness to one woman by years ofdevotion to many. Was it this that made you 'a brother of girls,' asMr. Power once called you? And, when I asked what he meant, he saidthe Arabs call a man that who has 'a clean heart to love all womenas his sisters, and strength and courage to fight for theirprotection!'"
She hoped to lighten his trouble a little, and spoke with a smilethat was like cordial to poor David.
"Yes," he said, lifting his head again. "I tried to be that, and,for Letty's sake, had pity on the most forlorn, patience with themost abandoned; always remembering that she might have been whatthey were, if death had not been more merciful than I."
"But she was not dead: she was alive and working as bravely as you.Ah, how little I thought, when I loved Rachel, and she loved me,that we should ever meet so happily as we soon shall. Tell me howyou found her? Does she know I am the woman she once saved? Tell meall about her; and tell it fast," prayed Christie, getting excited,as she more fully grasped the happy fact that Rachel and Letty wereone.
David came nearer, and his face kindled as he spoke. "The shipsailed without her; she came later; and, finding that her name wasamong the lost, she did not deny it, for she was dead to us, anddecided to remain so till she had earned the right to be forgiven.You know how she lived and worked, stood firm with no one tobefriend her till you came, and, by years of patient well-doing,washed away her single sin. If any one dares think I am ashamed toown her now, let him know what cause I have to be proud of her; lethim come and see how tenderly I love her; how devoutly I thank Godfor permitting me to find and bring my little Letty home."
Only the snow-flakes drifting against the window-pane, and thewailing of the wind, was heard for a moment; then David added, withbrightening eyes and a glad voice:
"I went into a hospital while away, to look after one of my poorgirls who had been doing well till illness brought her there. As Iwas passing out I saw a sleeping face, and stopped involuntarily: itwas so like Letty's. I never doubted she was dead; the name over thebed was not hers; the face was sadly altered from the happy, rosyone I knew, but it held me fast; and as I paused the eyesopened, - Letty's own soft eyes, - they saw me, and, as if I was thefigure of a dream, she smiled, put up her arms and said, just as sheused to say, a child, when I woke her in her little bed - 'Why,Davy!' - I can't tell any more, - only that when I brought her homeand put her in mother's arms, I felt as if I was forgiven at last."
He broke down there, and went and stood behind the window curtains,letting no one see the grateful tears that washed away thebitterness of those long years.
Christie had taken up the miniature and was looking at it, while herheart sang for joy that the lost was found, when David came back toher, wearing the same look she had seen the night she listened amongthe cloaks. Moved and happy, with eager eyes and ardent manner, yetbehind it all a pale expectancy as if some great crisis was at hand:
"Christie, I never can forget that when all others, even I, castLetty off, you comforted and saved her. What can I do to thank youfor it?"
"Be my friend, and let me be hers again," she answered, too deeplymoved to think of any private hope or pain.
"Then the past, now that you know it all, does not change your heartto us?"
"It only makes you dearer."
"And if I asked you to come back to the home that has been desolatesince you went, would you come?"
"Gladly, David."
"And if I dared to say I loved you?"
She only looked at him with a quick rising light and warmth over herwhole face; he stretched both arms to her, and, going to him,Christie gave her answer silently.
Lovers usually ascend straight into the seventh heaven for a time:unfortunately they cannot stay long; the air is too rarefied, thelight too brilliant, the fare too ethereal, and they are forced tocome down to mundane things, as larks drop from heaven's gate intotheir grassy nests. David was summoned from that blissful region,after a brief enjoyment of its divine delights, by Christie, wholooked up from her new refuge with the abrupt question:
"What becomes of Kitty?"
He regarded her with a dazed expression for an instant, for she hadbeen speaking the delightful language of lips and eyes that loversuse, and the old tongue sounded harsh to him.
"She is safe with her father, and is to marry the 'other one' nextweek."
"Heaven be praised!" ejaculated Christie, so fervently that Davidlooked suddenly enlightened and much amused, as he said quickly:"What becomes of Fletcher?" "He's safely out of the way, and Isincerely hope he will marry some 'other one' as soon as possible.""Christie, you were jealous of that girl." "David, you were jealousof that man." Then they both burst out laughing like two children,for heavy burdens had been lifted off their hearts and they werebubbling over with happiness.
"But truly, David, weren't you a little jealous of P. F.?" persistedChristie, feeling an intense desire to ask all manner of harassingquestions, with the agreeable certainty that they would be fullyanswered.
"Desperately jealous. You were so kind, so gay, so altogethercharming when with him, that I could not stand by and see it, so Ikept away. Why were you never so to me?"
"Because you never showed that you cared for me, and he did. But itwas wrong in me to do it, and I repent of it heartily; for it hurthim more than I thought it would when the experiment failed. I trulytried to love him, but I couldn't."
"Yet he had so much to offer, and could give you all you most enjoy.It is very singular that you failed to care for him, and preferred apoor old fellow like me," said David, beaming at her like abeatified man.
"I do love luxury and pleasure, but I love independence more. I'mhappier poking in the dirt with you than I should be driving in afine carriage with 'that piece of elegance' as Mr. Power called him;prouder of being your wife than his; and none of the costly thingshe offered me were half so precious in my sight as your littlenosegays, now mouldering away in my treasure-box upstairs. Why,Davy, I've longed more intensely for the right to push up the curlylock that is always tumbling into your eyes, than for Philip's wholefortune. May I do it now?"
"You may," and Christie did it with a tender satisfaction that madeDavid love her the more, though he laughed like a boy at the womanlywhim.
"And so you thought I cared for Kitty?" he said presently, takinghis turn at the new game.
"How could I help it when she was so young and pretty and fond ofyou?"
"Was she?" innocently.
"Didn't you see it? How blind men are!"
"Not always."
"David, did you see that I cared for you?" asked Christie, turningcrimson under the significant glance he gave her.
"I wish I had; I confess I once or twice fancied that I caughtglimpses of bliss round the corner, as it were; but, before I coulddecide, the glimpses vanished, and I was very sure I was a conceitedcoxcomb to think it for a moment. It was very hard, and yet I wasglad."
"Glad!"
"Yes, because I had made a sort of vow that I'd never love or marryas a punishment for my cruelty to Letty."
"That was wrong, David."
"I see it now; but it was not hard to keep that foolish vow till youcame; and you see I've broken it without a shadow of regretto-night."
"You might have done it months ago and saved me so much woe if youhad not been a dear, modest, morbidly conscientious bat," sighedChristie, pleased and proud to learn her power, yet sorry for thelong delay.
"Thank you, love. You see I didn't find out why I liked my friend sowell till I lost her. I had just begun to feel that you were verydear, - for after the birthday you were like an angel in the house,Christie, - when you changed all at once, and I thought you suspectedme, and didn't like it. Your running away when Kitty came confirmedmy fear; then in came that - would you mind if I said - confoundedFletcher?"
"Not in the least."
"Well, as he didn't win, I won't be hard on him; but I gave up thenand had a tough time of it; especially that first night when thissplendid lover appeared and received such a kind welcome."
Christie saw the strong hand that lay on David's knee clenchedslowly, as he knit his brows with a grim look, plainly showing thathe was not what she was inclined to think him, a perfect saint.
"Oh, my heart! and there I was loving you so dearly all the time,and you wouldn't see or speak or understand, but went away, left meto torment all three of us," cried Christie with a tragic gesture.
"My dearest girl, did you ever know a man in love do, say, or thinkthe right thing at the right time? I never did," said David, sopenitently that she forgave him on the spot.
"Never mind, dear. It has taught us the worth of love, and perhapswe are the better for the seeming waste of precious time. Now I'venot only got you but Letty also, and your mother is mine in verytruth. Ah, how rich I am!"
"But I thought it was all over with me when I found Letty, because,seeing no more of Fletcher, I had begun to hope again, and when shecame back to me I knew my home must be hers, yet feared you wouldrefuse to share it if you knew all. You are very proud, and thepurest-hearted woman I ever knew."
"And if I had refused, you would have let me go and held fast toLetty?"
"Yes, for I owe her every thing."
"You should have known me better, David. But I don't refuse, andthere is no need to choose between us."
"No, thank heaven, and you, my Christie! Imagine what I felt whenLetty told me all you had been to her. If any thing could make melove you more than I now do, it would be that! No, don't hide yourface; I like to see it blush and smile and turn to me confidingly,as it has not done all these long months."
"Did Letty tell you what she had done for me?" asked Christie,looking more like a rose than ever Kitty did.
"She told me every thing, and wished me to tell you all her story,even the saddest part of it. I'd better do it now before you meetagain."
He paused as if the tale was hard to tell; but Christie put her handon his lips saying softly:
"Never tell it; let her past be as sacred as if she were dead. Shewas my friend when I had no other: she is my dear sister now, andnothing can ever change the love between us."
If she had thought David's face beautiful with gratitude when hetold the happier portions of that history, she found it doubly sowhen she spared him the recital of its darkest chapter, and bade him"leave the rest to silence."
"Now you will come home? Mother wants you, Letty longs for you, andI have got and mean to keep you all my life, God willing!"
"I'd better die to-night and make a blessed end, for so muchhappiness is hardly possible in a world of woe," answered Christieto that fervent invitation.
"We shall be married very soon, take a wedding trip to any part ofthe world you like, and our honeymoon will last for ever, Mrs.Sterling, Jr.," said David, soaring away into the future withsublime disregard of obstacles.
Before Christie could get her breath after that somewhat startlingannouncement, Mr. Power appeared, took in the situation at a glance,gave them a smile that was a benediction, and said heartily as heoffered a hand to each:
"Now I'm satisfied; I've watched and waited patiently, and aftermany tribulations you have found each other in good time;" then witha meaning look at Christie he added slyly: "But David is 'no hero'you know."
She remembered the chat in the strawberry bed, laughed, and coloredbrightly, as she answered with her hand trustfully in David's, hereyes full of loving pride and reverence lifted to his face:
"I've seen both sides of the medal now, and found it 'sterlinggold.' Hero or not I'm content; for, though he 'loves his mothermuch,' there is room in his heart for me too; his 'old books' havegiven him something better than learning, and he has convinced methat 'double flowers' are loveliest and best."